Today’s score – 25%

There was a very clear reason for its arrival this time when depression sashayed up for a seat at my table. Because I could see it, I was in no doubt whatsoever that I was in trouble. I knew straightaway that I had not passed Go and that I had gone straight to jail.  There was no messing about, I needed help. And I decided to lay trust and money into the hands of professionals. 

For me, I can find the funds to do so and I know I am very lucky in that. Without early intervention I can see that my outcomes would track very differently. At some point in my life, when I am strong and free at the same time, I will lend my voice to the battle for early and precise mental health treatments - not blanketed but tailored for individuals.

For now, I have given myself very little wiggle room for anything other than parallel lines projecting me forwards. I’m busy with work. I said yes to extra. I’m attending physio for a 6 month old stubborn problem. I have a counsellor who is highly trained and to whom I decided to place trust. I went in open and early this time round and opened the page at a 38 year old problem never before talked with voices. My choice. I’m absolutely sick of lugging it around. In addition, I had saved the contact details of a lady local to me who converted her garage to a small gym during the first lockdown. I’d had success before when I combined lifting weights and sweating out problems. There is something organically healthy in sweating.

Today, I walked in a hurry along a street and heard somebody calling hello. I turned to see my physio smiling and I crossed over to chat. It was nothing more than talking of trees and gardens and summer, and it was over in less than five minutes. But it reminded me that there are people being paid to guide me and who are also just good people. They fit what I need right now. There is no drama, they are calm, they talk in low voices, and they make me feel cushioned. I can fall off kilter in my own time but when I’m on their time, I’m safe and guided forward. They don’t know each other but they are a great team.

If you are stuck at the moment, have wee think about whether you can attack things from a number of angles. It might help.

Love from 

The room above the garage

A Moodscope member