I was with a friend the other day and another person we knew joined us. The other person started to tell us about a number of things that were going wrong for her at the moment and my friend said to her “Well you do look very tired” She was clearly taken aback and the rest of the conversation centred on whether perhaps her white sweater made her look tired or whether it was something else, like her make up etc etc. (I saw her later and she was wearing sunglasses)

I sympathised because I know I look tired with lack of restorative sleep most nights and I try to cover it up with glasses that go dark outside (where I bump into most people) and always wear lipstick and foundation every day.

If someone told me I looked tired I would think about it for the rest of the day and would ask my husband if he thought I looked tired. Of course he’d say no! Or he might say (If he was feeling brave) that I do a bit but that’s because you are tired. I wouldn’t like that reply but would probably accept it as being realistic.

Why would this comment affect me so much? And it’s not just me because it clearly affected the other person badly too.

Both she and I had good reasons to look tired. We could explain it and that would be that. 

But we chose to feel even worse about being tired for good reason. It sent her into a whirl of distress as it would me. 

I suppose what I’m saying is that I try to cover up my tiredness to the outside world. I want to present a glowing face of perfection.

However I am more than happy to describe how I feel (tired!) but before anyone might notice the dark rings under my eyes. 

It’s definitely my looks I am aware of and don’t want anyone to say I LOOK tired. I don’t mind if they say I SOUND tired or down.

I guess I place too much emphasis on how I look because despite feeling awful inside, when I look in the mirror I want to see a reflection which contradicts how I feel.

Thinking about it, I’ve read that many patients who visit their GPs with depression  (if they are lucky enough to get a face to face appointment) don’t look depressed. The opposite in fact; they look immaculate with make up and well groomed. 

Does anyone else feel mortified if they are told they look tired and why do you think this might be?

Julia

A Moodscope member