‘What family doesn’t have its ups and downs’ Eleanor of Aquitaine

I’ve not kept up with Moodscope Blogs much over the last few weeks since my sister died. I have been incredibly busy. I have caught up with the Cards daily, doing them late at night when I have been alone. But reading the Blogs was too hard. And the comments, often wonderful, bright, encouraging and positive, made me shy away. Unable to read anything positive in my negative and ultra sensitive state. 

I am still in quite a dark place, although my scores seem to be rising; is it anger fuelling them? Determination to come back to a place of balance? 

I conducted the funeral service for my sister. And I have been warmly complimented on it by many people; including my sister’s widow, Pat. She said ‘What you said was amazing. It brought me peace.’

Unfortunately, my brother John does not agree. He is furious with me for taking the funeral and he is not letting it go. He has been incredibly brutal and cruel in his attacks; saying, for instance ‘You did not know our sister as well as you thought; she used to laugh about you’ ‘You only think about yourself; where was our sister in that service?’ ‘How much are you getting off Pat for doing it? You are a freeloader.’  

And he chose to say that to me, here, in my home. 

It was my decision to say this; ‘Thank you for your comments. Do you have anything further to add? Please continue; let it all out.’ So he let rip again. And this time, when he had finished, I smiled at him and said ‘When you leave, please do not come back. You are no longer welcome here.’ 

John was taken aback by that. He didn’t believe me. He spent the next few hours being a jolly, friendly, easy-going, brother again. But I mean it. He has now returned to his wife and home. I have no plans to invite him here again. I suspect I will be ‘busy’ the next time he suggests a visit. 

My other brother, Colin, who lives now in Canada, also came here for the funeral. He heard John, but decided if he intervened, it would escalate further. He was probably right. He cried at the cruelty of our brother. And he assured me that in his opinion, I was ‘right’ in everything I have done. Which helped. 

And my support team have rallied; which is also helping.  

And I am feeling so very down, so very betrayed right now, I’m not sure of my next move. 

And…Celyn is still in kennels. So I am really alone right now. 

At no time over the last week, has my brother mentioned it was recently the first anniversary of Jane’s death – 2nd November. My sister’s funeral was 4th November. Other family members – and many friends - have mentioned the anniversary. But not John.  

Can you help me gain some perspective, please, Moodscopers? Because I’m done trying.

CMM

A Moodscope member