I feel like I have been a stranger to many things of late. Some in a good way, some not so much. I am having a break from the writing group I am in. Partly because with new home help clients, time to myself is precious and this meant a morning off a week if I didn't go. 

The writing group has had lots of new members so not a lot of time to read back our work, then people take ages to go through business at the start and certain people like the sound of their own voices and that drives me nuts, as well as people not turning off their phones when we are in session. I find if a group gets too large, I get overwhelmed – a reason why I left an art group I was involved in, started off with 8 or 10 then went up to 30 women all yacking was too much when I just wanted somewhere peaceful to do art and not get distracted at home by husband or dogs. 

Wondered if it was to do with the fact that with the funerals (which have been quieter) that I have to park myself and any emotions to get the information in as nice and calm a way as possible and make the families feel comfortable. There is quite a bit of people contact but it's intense and then it's over. 

I am finding it harder though and retirement seems like a long way off (7 years if I go the whole stretch!). I found myself today walking quickly to get away from a friend because her (large) dog was off a lead and my dog is reactive, but also because I couldn't face talking to her. However, I am up for a chat with a stranger quite often. 

Perhaps I am just a mass of contradictions but I find it difficult if I am on a timer (which I always seem to be) and have to cut the conversation short especially with friends. Yet the bereaved families I meet are strangers to begin with in my line of work. I hate small talk. I've been a bit of a stranger on Moodscope too. 

I think also with what has been going on in the world, I have complete information overload, and combined with being an over thinker, feel that sometimes I have to back off. Yet I also feel I might be missing out. The joie de vivre seems to be like a butterfly landing on your shoulder, as soon as you become aware of it, off it goes into the sunset. I'm also part of a book club but I never find time to read the books and it's more like a wine club, they all chat about everything but the book but I just kind of listen to others rather than contribute and I'm bored with that and disengaging.

Hope this stranger starts to feel less like an alien amongst others!

Liz

A Moodscope member