Some will know I have been going for counselling due to extremely low mood, high anxiety and awful nightmares. 

I have been seeing a lady around fifty-ish - she is an extremely good listener and has given me some great advice over the past few months. I am so pleased to say my mood has lifted, my anxiety is lower and the frequency of crazy dreams has reduced massively. I lost my sense of humour which I am now finding again, I am sleeping better which makes such a difference as many will know.

She talked about my childhood, some of it brought tears to my eyes. She talked about my school days and really got to know me and what is important to me. Her take on it was that I was let down badly at school, I was let down at home and let down by the health service. Poor bladder control was the route of most of these difficulties along with dyslexia. There has also been many deaths in my family due to a genetic heart condition - I have an ICD (defibrillator). I also have to self catheterise due to bladder not working. 

One of the main things I am trying to do is talk less about my illnesses - I have a fair few. It made me realise that constantly talking about how bad I felt was actually feeding the symptoms and making me worse. On one occasion I said my stomach feels red raw (which it did) to be asked to change my description as the brain then tells me it’s a lot worse. Anxiety affects my stomach terribly, I was advised to read a book called ‘The Let Them Theory’ by Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins, its mainly about switching off what other people think - being a people pleaser, it has some good advice and suggestions. 

Constantly dwelling on low mood is feeding it but extremely difficult to alter with a low mood, however worth making little changes and being kind to oneself instead of beating oneself up. I was asked to try laughing at myself when I mess up, an example, I went to tai chi a few times but messed up, got stressed and gave up. I should have laughed at myself when I tripped up and fell over a chair. 

I realise it’s not a quick fix but work in progress and talking about it to the right person who is impartial and not judging is very good.

I was told past trauma that is not dealt with can manifest in your mind as your brain is still trying to process it often causing nightmares many years later. 

I  do hope some of this may benefit others. I’m sure I heard some chuckles reading about my tai chi 😂

Paul

A Moodscope member