When my daughter was nine, she broke her elbow. She had an operation to rebuild it and for six weeks her arm was in plaster.

At her school there was a boy whose behaviour had already caused us concern. According to our daughter, he had hit another child with a chair and dragged one girl across the playground by her hair. In neither case had a teacher been on hand to see the incident. We were worried about this boy, but it wasn’t our child who had been affected, so we felt we couldn’t say anything based on just our daughter’s word.

And then, while she was still in plaster, this boy backed her into a corner and banged her arm hard against the wall. We had to take her to hospital to see if he had broken her elbow again. Fortunately, the arm was fine, but the plaster had to be replaced.

We complained to the school. We said that unless something could be done about this boy, we would not be sending our daughter back to school, as her physical safety was at risk.

The head teacher was relieved we had gone in. At last, he said, he had the evidence he needed to take action. While the teachers knew full well the boy was a menace, he was always careful not to do anything while observed by authority. None of the other parents had complained, so his hands had been tied.

In that case, we knew what to do, and because it was our child, we could do something.

This weekend two people very dear to me told me that they are suffering from the actions of a family member who has mental health issues. In both cases the family member has become violent. The rest of them are bearing the brunt to the extent that it is affecting their own health, their safety and the cohesion of their families.

In both cases, I was asked for my honest opinion. In both cases I took a deep breath and said that the violent person needs to be sectioned/incarcerated for their own safety and the safety of others. If it had been a stranger who committed these acts, the police would have been called and the person changed with assault. Because it is in the family, however, then understandably, nobody wants to call the police: the violent person is ill; if they were not ill, they would not be acting in this way.

My husband tells me not to get involved; to walk away, but I can’t. These people are dear to me and I feel terribly for their position – yet I can do nothing but be an understanding ear for them. It is they who must take the difficult decision to act.

What do you do when you can do nothing, when you cannot help, and when you are so worried about people you love? I don’t have any answers; do you?

Mary

A Moodscope member