Are those of us who are focused on Mental Health also more interested in Self-Development? I’d like to think so.  

I’d also like to think I’ve become far better at listening to other people than at pursuing my own agenda in each conversation. In fact, I speak far less nowadays. As I listen, I notice some fascinating behaviours such as people talking over one another. For me, I would find it impossible to listen and talk at the same time. However, some people seem to be able to do it.

I wonder what you think of as signs of ‘maturity’ as we grow up psychologically. What have you noticed? I use the word ‘maturity’ in only a positive sense, and with the understanding that a 5-year-old can show emotional and psychological maturity when they act kindly and considerately to others. Yesterday, someone had fallen outside the local shop, and the group that were showing practical kindness and compassionate concern reflected many ages. It was uplifting to see Village Life so warmly manifested.

As a listener, I hear many complaints about other people’s behaviour. Sometimes these complaints come accompanied by popular phrases such as, “It works both ways, you know!” This is often used to justify an opinion or behaviour. As we evolve towards maturity, there seems to be less offence taken, less judgment, and less ego.

Watching so many grandchildren beginning to grow up, I conclude that children are naturally self-centred – as I think they should be. “Mine!” becomes a claim that shows up almost as soon as they can talk! Sharing doesn’t come naturally – it needs to be a learned behaviour. However, it is amazing how soon small children can show genuine compassion and generosity.

Giving is a good example of growth to maturity. As children, we take. We take, take, take. Again, I would say this is appropriate. Then we learn to share – at least a bit when we have to… and then, magically, we want to. You may argue that many adults have forgotten how to share! Most of us learn that ‘give-and-take’ is the fair pattern of the world. If we stop here, many of us take offence when others fail to meet us half-way. If there is not reciprocity in relationships, we may decide that someone is too much of a drain to maintain the connection or exposure. Many of the complaints I hear have to do with perceived and sometimes genuine imbalances in the give-and-take of relationships. Boundaries are important at all levels of maturity.

However, the deep maturity in many teachings ascends to another level. We are told that it is better to give, expecting nothing in return. I would like to get up to this level. Imagine how free we would be if we could let go of expectations in all relationships.

My evidence that this may be the wisest life-position to take comes from experience of receiving abundantly from sources other than those that I give to. I may ‘sow’ many seeds of kindness, thoughtfulness, and compassion in some relationships only then to receive unmerited generosity from unexpected sources. If this is your experience too, what other attitudes would you define as ‘mature’?

Lex

A Moodscope member