When I read or hear about a friend experiencing the loss of their parent for the first time it brings back many feelings as my mum died nearly 25 years ago and my dad 18 years ago. The first few weeks after my dad died were hard. My daughter told me she would write a letter to her Pop telling him about her life. I opened a file on the computer and in the first few months after my dad died I wrote several times a day. It helped me feel connected to him. In the subsequent years I would maybe write once a year and now only when a great grandchild was born.

One thing I learnt too late was how much I would miss my parents when they were not around. Sometimes as our parents age we only see the extra work that entails. I always told my dad how much I loved him but the deep gap in my life I experienced when he died, I never expected.

My mum had dementia for 11 years before she died and it was very challenging as many members of my family were in denial. After she died, I could only think of the difficult times.

My dad and I were very close, but we would fight a lot. I felt so guilty about how I behaved to him in his last year and wished I had been more patient. I decided to change those negative memories for positive ones and not feel as guilty. I will always feel guilty!

These are just what helped me and everyone is different.

Grief is a personal response to loss of a loved one… Most find that, with support, the pain may lessen, and life may feel like you can cope a bit.

 I realise talking about grief can be painful to share.

If anyone would like to share any things that helped them with the loss of their parents or parents, it may help others.

Some Moodscopers will be fortunate to have their parent or parents alive. They may be able to share the experience as their parents age.

I understand this blog may be a bit raw to many reading. If you feel ok, only then reply.

Leah  

A Moodscope member