On a fine day this week, together with my friend from London, I ventured out to walk the popular route that takes the Pennine Way high along one side of Kisdon Hill to the little village of Keld, and then back again to Gunnerside on the track by the side of the River Swale.

The Pennine Way stretch has magnificent views. It’s uneven underfoot on the section beneath North Gang Scar where the limestone cliff has weathered into a scree of rocks that the path picks a way through. So you have to make time to stop when admiring the scenery otherwise there’s the risk of turning an ankle or worse. 

Eastwards the Swale bends and curves its way down the narrow valley. Far below are the riverside meadows and ruined farmhouse of Hartlakes; and to the north is the steep gorge of Swinner Gill running up to the remains of lead mine workings. 

We watched a squall of snow come over Hall Moor, down Swinner Gill, across the Swale, until it engulfed us on Kisdon Hill before passing on and the sun came out again. Except that the sun didn’t reach where we stood. It lit up Hartlakes and Swinner Gill, but where we were standing was in the shade of the scar and hill above.

The path gets easier underfoot after the rocky scree, but it is still narrow, bordered by a dry-stone wall on one side and the uphill slope on the other. Around about this point in the walk we came across a hawthorn tree completely covered in epiphytic moss and lichen except for a few red berries poking out from the mossy blanket. 

Most of the shrubs and trees have a reasonable covering of moss and lichen, but this tree was exceptional and I wondered why it should be different. Then it dawned on me. The low winter sun didn’t climb above the hill to the south and west; and a bend in the path brought it under a shoulder to the east. So the sun, in winter at least, never shone directly on this particular tree. It was always in shadow.

Even though it was in the shade and completely covered in epiphytes the tree was obviously able to grow and fruit despite its dark damp position. Elsewhere on the hillside there are hawthorns in the sun and earlier in the year they were covered in white blossom, but they are also more exposed to wind and weather. The shape of the trees is contoured by the prevailing wind and the branches carry much less of a load of moss. 

My friend from London stayed over Christmas and New Year, which was very nice for me. We got to know each other about twelve years ago at a time when both our marriages were going through the process of collapsing, so that created something of a mutual bond. We also both experienced in childhood the finality of death of someone close to us. My friend lost her mother and I lost my sister, so we both knew the confusion of latent grief as adults. We also had similar interests in gardening, nature and walking in wild places. 

However, there are also some big differences between us that can sometimes lead to what can be called a “frank exchange of opinions”. I’ve been trying to work out why this should happen when most of the time we get on very well. 

My friend was an only child, where-as in my case my sister was quite quickly replaced by a younger brother. A possible interpretation of our differences is that in my friend’s case they had a lot of attention after their mother’s death resulting in a sense of confidence and entitlement. Where-as in my case parental attention was focused on the new baby and I was emotionally isolated, leading to anxiety, being unsure and shyness.

I don’t know how true this is, or whether I’m just casting around for causal explanations for when we have a falling out. Perhaps it’s just a difference in personalities. But I do remember reading somewhere that your position in a family relative to other siblings, or if you’re an only child, is a big determinate of your later emotional character. 

Do you have any thoughts on how your position in a family, whether an only child, or with younger or older siblings, might have led to developing your own personality and character?

Rowan on the Moor

A Moodscope member