If you are reading this it means that Caroline has approved it. I will assure her that I will not be offended if she feels it is inappropriate.

In keeping with the longer life expectancy in the uk, everywhere you look there are TV and radio programmes, magazine articles galore, about ways to live longer. I absorb it, take handfuls of vitamins and health supplements, exercise and try to keep my brain active. One thing is never acknowledged though, and that's the fear of death and what precedes it, and how hard it is to stop reflecting upon that.

A nurse friend whose youngest son was not expected to survive childhood (he is now a Marine) and oldest son died in his 30's has no time for anyone who grumbles about getting old. "Old age is a privilege denied to many" is her stock response. I get it, I really do. A friend in her early 50's has got just months left, I know I should be grateful. And yet...

Some years ago I knew two ladies who volunteered with me at a dog rescue. They would have been around the age I am now, friends since their teens. They were very open and friendly. I felt I could ask them anything, but for one thing. "At your age do you fear death and think about it every day?” It puzzled me that they seemed so chipper. 

Well, I can answer that for myself now. Yes, one does if I am anything to go by. 

I went through a phase of being terrified of dying when I was in my early teens. I was scared to go to sleep, it felt like a kind of death. There was no "not in front of the children" where my mother was concerned. Back in Ireland her mother had been the go-to woman who laid out the deceased and got them looking nice in the front rooms, ready for visitors to pay their respects. Then there were the stories of people accidentally buried alive, people sitting up in the morgue and scaring the cleaning lady. No wonder I am a nervous wreck.

At some point it must have dawned on me that there were many years before I needed to worry about such things. That is no longer the case. Both sides of the family are Celts, said to be a melancholy not to say morbid bunch, so maybe I can't help it.

My ex (now also late) husband was terrified of death all his life. He was horrified and incredulous that life and people would carry on without him. Not being a narcissist myself, I don't relate to that. I think I agree with Woody Allen - "I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.”

The only way is to see the funny side I suppose, so I will close with 2 jokes on the subject. If you dislike bad taste gallows humour, look away.

A couple aged 100 go to their solicitor asking him to arrange their divorce. He is shocked.

"After all these happy years together don't be so hasty. You can't really want this" 

"Oh it is not hasty" they assure him "We've wanted to divorce for years, but decided to wait until the children had died"

An American comedian said "I have reached that age where I attend more funerals than weddings. I'm rather worried because last time I was the one who caught the wreath"

Val

A Moodscope member